A Bipolar Lifetime 1990 LoLyn

I am blue, I am yellow.
In this lies all the extremes of human emotion.
Doctors call me bi-polar and treat illness with drugs.
Drugs channel the moods narrow the channels.
Oral chemical creates in me
Peace which others self produce.
This my cross, my burden to bare.
My weakness has come strength.
My eyes I have seen the world in
sun lit color and toneless shades of grey.
Faces are reflected rainbows,
and smiling friendships
or I feel cruel dull and senseless,
lost in a fog.
To some I am manic depressive.
Through time and space
Kites, blown windward fly in a sun lit sky,
plunge to earth when freed by the broken string,
in terror to all who watch to control or lend a hand.

I grope to know myself.
Those who surround me fear my change
My children love me in spite of fears.
Medication binds me to the earth
holds my soul within my body,
The spirit tugs to be free to soar,
the depths of hell gape to destroy my light.
When moving in the comfort range
the flood gate opens.
Torrent carries me to a new channel.
within the channel is a learned response.
feelings, choosing thoughts;
That I have little choice.
Only choice of thoughts determine the course I will take,
I can no more choose the gate
than choose the shape of the clouds.
Drugs control the gate and
bring me down from my rainbow.
I resent the ties but have learned gratitude.
I know beyond the rainbow lies unbridled euphoria,
flight into fantasy escape from the bounds of earth,
to crash like the kite, in terrifying free fall
through blinding light to crushing darkness.
Those who live daily a 10 point scale of emotion,
spend most of your days at four to seven,
never comprehend a 12 or
a plunge to sub zero of utter despair.
joy of rainbows and laughter sensuous pleasures
are only heightened the contrasting grays of death.
in sun lit color time exists no grays,
Nor can color and brightness in the grey time.
this is my cross, my laughter, burden, my joy
and faith and study of self
bring me closer to the center line.
Meds will control the swings while I learn the talent it takes
to control my brain chemicals
I will depend on the arm of flesh,
Chemicals given by the Lord to man for my protection,

LoLyn 2-90